Tell Him
by Lizziginne
Summary: Nikki is out with some old university friends, they discuss whether she should Tell Him? Late birthday fic for pinkswallowsun Flossie H/N


**Happy (late) birthday Flossie (pinkswallowsun)! I have been writing this for ages, it just hasn't wanted to flow. Which is frustrating when I've know exactly what I've wanted to write.**

**I really hope you enjoy it :) Inspiration, especially for the last bit, comes from the song "Tell Him" by Celine Dion and Barbra Streisand. I think you shouldlisten to it, but maybe its just me who see's the Harry/Nikki-ness of the song :)**

**I know I missed out Audrey1119's birthday fic, but I am working on it, it just doesn't like me right now :/ I'll get it up eventually :/**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the recognisable characters, Cian, Lorenzo, Anna-Maria and Natalie are all mine :)**

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Tell Him

You had been sitting at the restaurant for an hour now. The starters were just being served. You were there with your friends from Oxford. Natalie and Cian. They had been your best friends once upon a time, back when you were at university. The idea was that you were to meet up for the first time in 3 years and have a proper get together. Bring your partners, kids etc. And up until last week you'd had Michael, your now ex-boyfriend, to take. But no more.

So here you are sitting at the table with Natalie, her husband Carl, their children Aaron and Noah, Cian, his boyfriend Lorenzo and Lorenzo's niece, Anna-Maria, who the two men had raised since her parents died when she was 1. You felt like the odd one out. Cian and Natalie both had brilliant jobs, not that you didn't, but that wasn't the point. They both had great jobs, families, everything you wanted.

You felt yourself becoming jealous of your best friends. How was it you hadn't settled down yet? You were still in the limbo of life. Balancing on the edge of a knife. You were going to go one way or the other. Either you'd find someone to love or you'd stop trying and be alone forever. You really should have thought about this before now.

"Auntie Nikki?" Little Anna-Maria was tugging at your skirt, asking for your attention. She was adorable; she looked Mediterranean, obviously of Italian decent. She looked very much like Lorenzo. Your heart melted as she called you Auntie Nikki. God, she made you want kids.

"Yes, sweetie?" You replied, picking her up and sitting the 3 year old on your lap.

"Tell me about work?" Oh. You weren't expecting that. You knew that Cian had told her that Daddy was a doctor and helped make people who were very ill better and that Papa worked in an office doing very important things. He was an accountant in the city.

"Well I'm a doctor like Daddy, but not the same type of doctor." You spoke to her, trying to explain it without scaring her. "I woke with Harry and Leo, they are my friends"

"Are they your boyfriends?" She wasn't exactly shy, but it was cute. You blushed.

"No, Harry is my best friend and Leo is my boss."

"Why not boyfriend?" she demanded.

"Ummm... because... they're not, I can't have 2 boyfriends."

"Why Harry not Boyfriend?" Her voice was adorable but she asked some awkward questions. Luckily Cian jumped in to save you.

"Auntie Nikki doesn't have to have a boyfriend, Annie, your best friend is Matty, is he your boyfriend?" To that the little girl pulled a face of disgust. Obviously too young to be in to boys! You smiled at Cian gratefully, mouthing thank you as you continued to chatter to his little girl. She was adorable. You wrapped your arms around her, hugging her tightly, she squirmed a little and giggled.

An hour later and you'd finished your meal. The kids were being dropped back off at Natalie's house where her Mum was keen to babysit the three of them. It was nice, you wished you had that. So much. The "adults" were moving on to a bar, not that you acted much like adults together, more like giggly teenagers! Cian had seen you looking wistfully at the kids. He gave you that look. The "we need to talk look". Cian had always known you inside out. You'd jelled from day number 1. You were both outsiders and had quickly adopted Natalie in to your group when she transferred mid first semester from Paris. You'd got on so well. It was great to have real friends.

Cian could see straight through you though, he knew how desperate you were for a family, a proper long term relationship. You'd actually dated him once, before he came out. You knew he was gay, but he just hadn't told you. He'd asked you out, mainly to stop the bullying you think, and you had gone on a couple of dates before you told him you knew. He came out of his shell then, really came to life. And then he met Lorenzo, a young, tall, dark Italian from Rome. And they were perfect together. Cian was quiet and sweet, Lorenzo was camp and typical loud Italian. He was gorgeous, if he wasn't gay you would have dated him based on looks alone, he looked a bit like Harry really. He was lovely. Actually the whole group was lovely.

You were at the bar, it was nice, adult company, a social life. Although you felt a bit left out being the only one without a partner. Lorenzo kept pointing out men that were attractive, trying to get you to go and talk to them, get you a boyfriend, or at least someone to talk to for the evening.

Cian started talking to you, asking you what had happened to the boyfriend you were meant to bring, the one you'd told him about in an email just two weeks ago. You explained that you had gone to surprise him, you'd unexpectedly finished work 2 hours early and he'd said he would be working from home all day. So you'd used the keys he told you were in the pot by front door. Only to find him in bed with his wife. Who you didn't know existed. He'd told you she'd died. Nice. So you left then and there and didn't look back.

Cian hugged you, telling you it would be okay, that you'd find someone else soon enough. He walked off to the toilet leaving you standing alone until Natalie walked over with the drinks.

You were talking to Natalie , about work mostly, asking you about any interesting cases and how work was generally. At least she wasn't pressurising you about a boyfriend.

"So, how long have you been in love with this Harry?" she asked as you sipped your wine. You almost spat it back in to your glass.

"What? I don't love him!" You were well aware that your voice had shot up an octave. And that your face had flushed red. And that you probably answered the question far too quickly.

Natalie giggled. You blushed. How embarrassing. You best friend who you hadn't seen for 3 years could see right through you. You could see Cian giggling as well. Great, so now your best friends knew why you didn't have a boyfriend anymore. You were in love with your other best friend.

It wasn't often you admitted that to yourself, maybe at new year, maybe on your birthday, maybe when you split up with your latest boyfriend. So you weren't about to admit it out loud in a crowded bar. You nodded slightly. Cian wrapped his arm around your shoulders, telling you that they'd find you a man tonight, to take your mind of Harry. But that really you should tell him.

So Lorenzo continue to point out attractive men to you.

"Oh he's hot!" He pointed out a guy.

"Too short, I'm taller than him in these heels!"

"What about him?"

"Too old, too much grey hair!" You complained.

"Fussy!" Cian said, "Ohh If I wasn't with Lorenzo, I'd go for that guy!"

"Yeah! He's hot!" Lorenzo added. Well whoever he was he had the approval of two of your closest friends. Couldn't be too bad.

"Okay." You agreed, eying the man they had pointed out and waking straight over to him, deciding that you should just go for it.

You walked over to the bar and ordered yourself a glass of white wine, you weren't going to do shots, no thank you. You had work in the morning and the hangover would be unbearable! You stood next to the man and he offered to pay for your drink; that was nice. You turned to him.

"Look, my friends want me to spend the night talking to someone, seeing as I just broke up with my boyfriend, is that okay with you?" the man nodded, smiling a crooked smile at you. So you sat there and chatted to him, unimportant things like hobbies and your university days. You could see your friends watching you out of the corner of your eye, giggling smiling, giving you a thumbs up. You returned the thumbs up and winked at them. Cian gestured for you to bring him over. So you grabbed his hand , not forcefully but enough for him to understand you wanted to move.

So you weaved your way through the crowded bar, towards Natalie. They were all looking rather excited. Happy to see you'd found a man that wasn't an arse. Like most of your previous boyfriends were. Cian and Lorenzo look pleased with themselves.

"So," Lorenzo started, "who's this then?"

"_This_ is Harry." you said, very matter-of-factly. Cian looked at you open mouthed, you had a silent conversation with your eyes.

_That Harry?_

_Yes, _that _Harry._

_Well... that wasn't meant to happen!_

_I know, but he's being lovely so I'm not complaining._

_Tell him, Nikki._

You broke eye contact, not wanting to discuss this.

"Hi Harry, I'm Natalie, this is Carl, my worse half." Carl nodded, he didn't exactly speak much but was lovely, if not slightly crazy, once you got to know him.

"Cian."

"I'm Lorenzo... and you are fucking hot!" You slapped his arm as he shook hands with Harry. Harry just laughed.

"I'll take that as a complement then!" Harry continued laughing, putting his arm around you waist, pulling you close to him.

From then on the group settled in to easy conversation. You felt slightly awkward though, Harry still had his arm around you and everyone was sharing embarrassing stories from your younger days. They told Harry about the first time you'd got drunk with them, and how you accidentally ended up naked and in the duck pond in the courtyard of your Oxford College. Yes, because that was a story you really wanted Harry to hear!

Midnight. And the bar was closing, you were all heading home. Harry offered to share a cab with you as your flats were too far from each other. You agreed. You hugged Cian and Lorenzo telling them to tell Anna-Maria that Auntie Nikki wanted more hugs next time that you see her. Natalie and Carl also were given hugs as you promised to see them again soon. Harry shook everyone's hands telling them it was very nice to meet them all. You liked that he liked your friends. As you walked away Cian yelled out.

"Tell him!"

"Tell me what?" Harry whispered in to your ear. You shivered

"Nothing, Cian is just being an idiot." You replied. Trying to shake off how he made you feel.

You got in to the cab and he sat right next to you. You could smell his aftershave. You knew you'd had too much to drink but the alcohol was giving you confidence. Maybe you should listen to Cian. Lorenzo was right, he is fucking hot.

"Harrryy?"

"Yes, Nikki?" He seemed amused. You didn't think he was quite as drunk as you, that was probably a good thing.

"Lorenzo was right."

"About what?" Harry laughed. Why was he laughing at you?

"About you being fucking hot!" well that came out of your mouth more angry than you had expected. He looked at you shocked.

"Ummm..." He stuttered. Unsure of what to say. You turned away, not wanting to look at him. How could you be such a fool? Telling him something like that!

Silence. You were left in silence as the cab drove you home. You closed your eyes, tears rolling down your cheek. You loved him. He was your Harry. Life could be so cruel, you didn't know what to do. The cab stopped and you opened your eyes expecting to see your flat, but it wasn't your flat. It was his.

"Harry? I want to go home." You whispered, your voice trembling.

"No, Nikki, I want to talk to you." Oh he wanted to talk. Well that was okay then. You knew how this conversation would go. You'd hate it. You wanted to go home.

So you were sat on Harry's sofa cuddled up with a cup of coffee and a blanket, you were so cold. Nervous maybe? Why was he making you have this conversation now? When all you wanted was to go home and curl up in bed and sleep.

"Tell me, Nikki, whatever Cian was on about earlier, tell me." He was so sincere, how could you say no? He sat close to you, looking directly in to your eyes.

"Why did you put your arm around my waist earlier?"

"Nikki... Don't avoid the question."

"Answer mine first."

"No. "

"Fine." You crossed your arms like a stubborn child. You didn't want to tell him. You didn't want to be rejected. Embarrass yourself. Look like a fool. You couldn't let him go. It'd kill you. The tears began to fall.

"Niks... come here." He pulled you in to a hug, that just made you cry more.

You rested your cheek on his shoulder as he held you tight. The smell of his aftershave comforting you, it smelt familiar, it was a smell you knew all to well. Too many hours had been spent crying on Harry Cunningham's shoulder. How he put up with you, you didn't know.

"Love... you." You whispered in to his neck, hoping he wouldn't actually hear you. But it felt like the weight of it had been lifted of your shoulders. Saying it out loud. You felt light and free. Although that could still be the affects of the alcohol.

"What was that, Nikki?"

"Nothing." You continued just to breathe deeply, clinging on to Harry for dear life, like he was the only thing that kept you going. And sometimes he was.

"Me too, Nikki." Had he heard you? Was he really saying what you thought he was saying?

"Mmmm?" You couldn't speak.

"I mean, love you too." He was so soft and gentle as he whispered to you. The words of comfort really helping you. He wasn't going to run away.

You looked at him, your eyes questioning his words, searching to see if he was telling you the truth. You could feel his heart beating in his chest as you held yourself close to him.

He licked his lips slightly, you could help but stare. Leaning forwards, you reached up, desperate, his lips touched yours and you felt fireworks. It wasn't like the first time you'd kissed him. This was so much more. It was just a gentle touch. He pulled away.

"I love you" he whispered, your foreheads pressed together.

"Love... too." You gasped for breath, tears streaming down your face. You couldn't believe what was happening. He kissed you again. This time deeper. It was perfect. Light kisses and soft sweet words whispered between you. For 10 minutes you were in heaven, before you rested your head upon his chest.

"Never let me go?" You whispered. He nodded as you closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep.

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**THE END!**

**I hope you enjoyed it, especially Flossie! (I am so sorry it's late)**

**I have checked it over so I apologise for any mistakes.**

**Drop me a review?**

**Lizzi  
xxx**


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